The Perfect Storm is the perfect example of a ding. Like anyone wouldn’t understand the title, they had to have a meteorologist interpret the weather and say, “It is… the perfect storm.” George Clooney sure has come a long way. Mark Wahlberg, not so much. Speaking of perfect storms, my last weekend in New York and the weather forecast is crazy all out blizzard.
I was watching the end of The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu version) today and I was thinking that Klaatu (yes, that is Keanu’s character’s name) has the worst assignment. He has to come to this stupid planet, hang out with this lady’s obnoxious kid, and then brave little metal insects eating him to save this lady and her kid. As an aside, this is Jaden Smith’s worst acting to date. Of course he is in the new Karate Kid so… stay tuned. Anyway, I was thinking that Klaatu really got the short end of the stick when I thought about Don Draper’s role in the movie. He heroically offers to go with lady into danger, five minutes later gets hit with a missile while driving her in a giant Escalade, and gets left in the Escalade to be eaten by little metal insects. I guess everyone is pretty unlucky to be in the movie.
Everyone knows that the main reason to live in New York City is that in the case that a zombie-creating virus takes over the city and you survive, you can totally claim a brownstone on Washington Square North. What other reason is there to put up with all the cockroaches and drunks living on your stoop? But I recently learned that the building that Dr. Robert Neville lives in with his dog in I Am Legend isn’t even a brownstone. The facade looks like a brownstone, but inside it is just apartments for NYU faculty. It looks just like every other crappy apartment in the the city. What am I doing still living here?
I remember how excited I was to see Jurassic Park when it came out. I was around 15 and I went by myself. I can’t really remember how I got to the movies by myself when I was 15, but I am pretty sure I went by myself. Jurassic Park was my first experience going to see the movie version of a book I loved. Of course since then I have had the opportunity for many disappointments (The Watchmen, anyone?), but this was my first. I remember being really upset that they made the girl dumb and the boy smart even though in the book the girl was smart… sexism! So, the other day when Jurassic Park was on tv I was surprised to realize that the movie is not sexist, it is all about sex… sexy Jeff Goldblum that is. Every other shot is Jeff Goldblum with his shirt unbuttoned, reclining, explaining chaos theory. It makes adult Michelle feel confused. I am not sure what to think about Jurassic Park now.
The problem with Out of Time is who could ever believe that anyone could pull one over on Denzel? Even if Denzel is playing someone really un-Denzel-like. He’s still Denzel in the movie because there is a definite moment of Denzel involving a parrot.
I have watched The Princess Bride way more times than I care to admit. It came out when I was 10 and my parents, who didn’t understand watching a movie more than one time, completely indulged my love of it. I remember that I stopped counting how many times I saw it around the 11th time. In my senior year of high school, we were given an assignment to write an original short story in AP English. This was our reward for a year of writing expository essays once a week. At least three people in class wrote new chapters to The Princess Bride. I had no idea that such a thing as fan fiction even existed. I immediately realized how close to being a huge dork I had unwittingly been. I have since hid my knowledge of The Princess Bride (and Monty Python for that matter). Of course I ended up as a software developer, but that is another story. Anyway, I am watching it again right now. Seriously though, how come Princess Buttercup can’t recognize Westley with the pirate mask on?
I know that there are lots of things about Minority Report that aren’t necessarily realistic, and I can forgive most of them, but why do they not turn off the security permissions for Tom Cruise’s character’s eyeballs? It get him into the temple to kidnap Agatha and and later it gets his wife in to rescue him. No wonder there is such a market for eyeball transplants, eyeballs are so valuable. I wonder if all the burglars carry around a bunch of eyeballs on a keychain in their pockets? They can’t kill anyone, but they sure can rob folks. Future hackers take note, stop whatever you are doing and go to optometry school immediately.
I went for a run on Saturday even though it was pretty cold out. I dressed very carefully, but once I was outside the weather was perfect for running. I even took my gloves off. At some point towards the very end of my run, the temperature started dropping. It felt like the scene in The Day After Tomorrow where they eye of the anti-hurricane is passing over New York and everyone has to race inside to the fire before the super cold gets to them. Of course I had just re-watched The Day After Tomorrow in an orgy of self-pitying movie watching, which is why I was forcing myself to go running in the first place. I ran the last half mile as a sprint imagining that I had to get back with antibiotics to save the high school debate team that was dying in my apartment. Well that’s not true. I ran the last half mile pretty leisurely thinking it would be funny to do that. Damn it got cold out.
Hundreds of millions of bored office workers sit in front of computers forwarding emails, blogging, IMing, and playing on social network sites. These distracted corporate employees have accidentally created the Bored at Work Network (BWN) — a huge people-powered network with greater even reach than traditional networks like CNN, ABC, or the BBC.
James pointed out that Whoopi Goldberg’s character in Jumpin’ Jack Flash might be the very first member of the Bored at Work Network.Â Imagine in the old days of BWN, we got to do things like help secret agents escape Russia.Â Now all we do is watch stupid videos on Youtube.Â My favorite part of the movie is that the hunky British agent Jack is played by Jonathan Pryce.Â I love to see him get to be the winner sometimes.
Ok, so it has been weeks and I still haven’t written about The Dark Knight. I saw it twice and I would go see it every week if I could afford it. I had been thinking for a while about the lack of the great villain in super hero movies. Hancock had to fight a former psychology professor with no super powers at all. Tony Stark’s big enemy actually has the name Obadiah Stane.Â Seriously?Â And to pull off that name, you choose Jeff Bridges?Â Eh.Â Stane is the same as Stark, but just like bigger.Â Don’t get me started on Spiderman 3, where the bad guys decide to help the good guy and everyone just becomes friends at the end and sings.
The Joker is a real villain.Â He lives to be the evil counterpart to Batman.Â He is Batman, but vigilante for badness.Â The Joker sums up why he is the best villain ever when he says to Batman, “You just couldn’t let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren’t you? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won’t kill you, because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”